The Price of Going Ghost and What It Taught Me
The Disconnect
The hardest thing about going ghost for months at a time is the impact on family relationships. As someone who used to be in the military—albeit stationed only seven hours away from home—I spent most of my time away, whether it was due to deployments or TDYs. Over time, I’ve felt a deep sense of disconnection, but I’ve come to realize that much of it is self-inflicted.
From being an introverted wallflower to adapting to the "Ghostwalker" mindset (a nod to my old Air Force unit), I feel like my personality, thoughts, and words don’t always resonate with my family anymore. That doesn’t mean the solution is to fully separate myself from them or reality. Instead, it means I need to accept who I am and trust that my family will do the same.
What helped me navigate this disconnect was compartmentalizing those feelings to focus on self-improvement. I deliberately inserted myself into a space of isolation to reflect, grow, and start building some of the things I’d long wanted to accomplish in this phase of my life. The military is a lifestyle, regardless of how many years you’ve served—especially when you're part of a specialized unit. However, moving back home with my family hindered my progress. It created an environment where I felt enabled to coast, where the thought of living off my family loomed larger than pursuing my goals.
Even though my family would have pushed me to do better, I slipped further into stagnation. I saw the risk of abandoning my dreams for something unfulfilling, and I knew I needed an extra push. I needed to understand my potential, see what I could achieve, and evaluate my worth through my lens, not through others' perspectives.
The Fear & Realization
When you scroll through Pinterest or listen to productivity gurus, you’ll often hear them say, “Disappear for six months and watch yourself change.” If you’re like me, you focus on the change—the transformative result. What I didn’t consider was who I was at the start, what I was capable of handling, and whether I was ready for such a drastic shift.
I failed to plan incremental steps to ease into this journey, and instead, I went from 0 to 100. That mistake left me feeling vulnerable and riddled with anxiety. Eventually, I realized my misstep and essentially had to start over. I created new goals, plans, and systems, focusing on micro changes (the term “micro” feels more intentional than “small”) and contingency plans—not for failure, but for moments when I felt overwhelmed or fell off track.
Once I gained control of my thoughts and tackled one simple task on my list, everything else started to feel more achievable.
The Journey
I’m now eight months into this journey. The first three months were terrible. I oscillated between good weeks and bad weeks, constantly questioning myself: What am I going to do? How? With what knowledge and tools? I don’t know enough. Where do I start? Imposter syndrome and a lack of a concrete plan weighed me down.
By month four, I regretted the entire endeavor. By month five, I understood that most of my struggles were internal—not 75% environmental and 25% internal, as I had initially thought. By months six and seven, I shifted my focus to school and avoided digging myself into a deeper hole. Yes, those were the six months of my “disappear for six months” challenge.
Miraculously, here I am now, feeling more confident, motivated, and ready to tackle the fears and procrastination that once held me back.
The Takeaway
What I’ve learned is that I need more than six months. Going ghost wasn’t the best solution for me, but it’s the path I chose, and I’m proud that I stuck with it. In hindsight, it was just another “shiny object” or trend that temporarily masked deeper issues I needed to address. Before embarking on a transformative journey, you have to work through what’s holding you back internally. Only then can you take meaningful steps forward.
By addressing those deeper internal issues, I can now go forward with change and build the life that I want. I know — on a relative scale, what I want to do in this next chapter of my life and that could've only been accomplished with back against the wall.
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